I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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