Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize