so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
