all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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