just tell him i said nine months
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
