So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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