Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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