also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
