a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
