NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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