oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
