have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
