Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
