i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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