4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
