Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
