The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it glows. i had to have it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
