Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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