does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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