Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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