I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
