And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
