IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
