It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
