after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
