I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
