Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
