laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
