you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
