Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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