dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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