I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
