Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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