dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
