just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
