BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
