Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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