You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
