Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize