I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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