I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
