I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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