I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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