Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
