oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My feet surprised me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
