My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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