Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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