I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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