well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
