maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
