just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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