i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
