He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
