I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize