all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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