lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
