Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
PANTIES FOUND
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