I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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