Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
