He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
