I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
