this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
