I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize